Friday, January 20, 2012

Married Life: The True Romance

Married Life: The True Romance - By May Edginton
I’m not sure how I stumbled upon this wonderful book at Amzaon.com, but I’m sure glad I did.  The funny thing is, for some reason there was no description or reviews of the version I read, but being married for 26 (or so) years I thought the title was cool, so I got it “just because.” I had no idea of what year it was even written in, but I see now it was originally  published in 1920, which jibes with the storyline.


This book could have been called something like “After Happily Ever After” (although I’m sure there are probably other books or movies with that title) because it chronicles that part of life/marriage when the fairy tale ends.  How many young girls want so much to get married, only to discover that married life is not all it’s cracked up to be? Especially when money is tight, and especially when you’re married during a time when it wasn’t “fashionable” for a married woman to continue to work outside of the home to help support the family.


The story revolves around the married life of Marie and Osborn Kerr, a very much in love young and beautiful couple who, like most young lovers, knew they would always be ecstatically happy and in love as long as they were together. But trying to live on one salary (which had been plenty for a bachelor) and on top of that having children, takes its toll on both the breadwinner and the bread-baker.


Author May Edginton, does a great job of showing both husband and wife’s side of the story, although I think she showed some bias towards the female point of view. Much of it was written from Marie’s perspective as the new wife/mother at home with not enough budget to take care of even the bare necessities, yet all she wanted to do was make sure she kept her husband happy.


For me, this book brought back memories and feelings of my own stay at home mom days with 3 little ones and a husband in law school and barely enough money to go around. Certainly Marie’s situation was much worse than mine if nothing more than it being the early 20th century, but I very much empathized with her feelings of having gone from a situation where you had everything you needed and wanted–to suddenly not.


Like Marie, in those days of my life I also recall many nights of going to bed with my only thoughts centered on the monotony and drudgery of the day ahead. That knowing that when you wake up, you’ll just be doing it all over yet again feeling.


And from the husband’s point of view, they feel bad enough that they’re not making the kind of money they want to be making in order to properly take care of their family. Which leaves them stressed out even more. When poor Marie would need something imperative for one of the babies, she was so afraid to have to ask her husband for some more money because she knew how he would react–as if it were her fault.


The story takes an unexpected turn when Osborn learns he has to travel from England to America and Canada for a full  year, in exchange, his salary will increase substantially.


I related to this story on so many levels in my own life. For instance, my grandmother (who is soon to turn 102) got married in the same time period, and also had to quit her job because of it. She was not pleased. She was the type of woman who should have been born much later in the century as she really wanted to be a professional woman and wasn’t all that interested in having children. Having heard her tell me this many times, I thought of her while reading the book. I felt that Marie (and my grandmother) would have been much more comfortable in the latter part of the 20th century when there was no reason for a woman to quit her job just because she got married.


I was also pleased to see the theme of  forgiveness running through the end of this book. Without giving anything away, I learned many years ago, that the key to being able to stay married and somewhat sane is forgiveness. There are so many things that happen that can make wives and husbands feel that any love they may have once had for the other has eroded so much as to be not enough left to sustain the relationship. I’ve learned, as I think eventually the characters in this story did as well, that forgiveness–true forgiveness–magically replenishes that love that you may have thought was gone forever.



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